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When you become a mom everyone talks about the good and bad when it comes to caring for a baby. The problem is – nobody ever mentions the mom shaming that comes along with having a child. Well that’s why I created this post. I wanted to share one of the most negative parts about becoming a mother.
Many women have experienced mom shaming since becoming a mom. I was one of them!
WHAT IS MOM SHAMING?
Mom shaming is a person asserting their ideals onto a mother because they believe the way she does it is wrong. It’s basically another form of bullying. There are so many parents that talk about how bullying should not be tolerated in schools – but then we have grown adults attacking the way a mother parents her child. I have never been able to understand it.
The thing is – she gave birth to that child, didn’t she?
I have witnessed many women be shamed for just trying to care for their child whether it be because they were breastfeeding in public, formula feeding, co-sleeping, letting the baby cry it out, etc.
When I became pregnant I joined many mom groups online that were moms having babies around the same time I did. Once we all started having our children I noticed a complete change in the group – everyone started being judgmental. Unfortunately, I experienced someone mom shaming me which I will get to – which led to me leaving the group.
Many women would ask for opinions on certain subjects but then immediately be attacked and called a horrible mom.
We all just had our babies – you would think everyone would be there for support when really, they were just attacking each other’s styles of parenting.
MY EXPERIENCE OF BEING MOM SHAMED..
So, what happened to me?
The thing was is I was experiencing a rough time with pumping and my son having really bad acid reflux (at the time I had no idea he had this). He was throwing up all the time and screaming as though he was in so much pain. I was literally in tears every single day – I had no clue what to do. So as a desperate mom – I decided to get the opinion of what I should do. My question was:
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GIVE UP BREASTMILK AND GO COMPLETELY TO FORMULA SINCE HE IS HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH MY MILK?
Well, it was complete chaos!
Some women were sweet and gave me their experiences but then I go some of the worst comments of my life. I was told that I was a bad mom if I switched over to formula. Switching for formula was not healthy for my baby and I would be not be giving the nutrition that he needed.
I was a new mom – those words affected me in a way that I never thought people’s words could.
After that experience I cried and had multiple conversations with other people about if I was doing right by my son. After a few days, I decided I was going to quit being in mom groups because of the shame.
I’m still apart of a group on Facebook but the group is full of supportive moms and if someone even thinks about posting something nasty, they are kicked out right away. Thank goodness – that negativity is not needed.
TO ALL THE MOM SHAMERS –
If you are thinking about saying something mean to a mom about her parenting – you are wrong. It’s not your place to attack another mother for how she wants to raise her child.
Didn’t your parents teach you, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say it at all?” – I know mine did.
You need to be more supportive. You can offer your opinion in a better manner than attacking someone right away. If you did not carry that child or spend the long hours bringing that child into this world than you have no right to tell a mom how to mother her own child.
As moms we need to be there for one another! Motherhood is FREAKING HARD! Adding on the stress of being attacked for trying to find support just makes it even worse. Remember you would not like your child to be bullied or even for your parenting to be questioned.
TO ALL THE MOMS THAT HAVE EXPERIENCED MOM SHAME –
You are mom than enough for you little one. No one’s opinion matters! If you want to breastfeed that baby out in public with no cover – GO AHEAD. If you want to have your baby cry it out for sleep training – DO WHAT YOU WANT. That is your child!
You are a perfect mom!
Your baby loves you!
You got this!
I’m rooting for you mama!
if you have ever experienced mom shame and want to share please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org